Why can't I decide on what I want ????
I've been doing some thinking especially since we started practising for the Zahari family gathering and my cousin 'Abang Ariff's' wedding.
I like so many things and because of the indecisiveness and lack of planning (which I normally never do) my Dad thinks it's better that I stay in Malaysia another year. But thinking about it now, if I wait another year, I'll get even lazier and less motivated. I don't want that to happen. Just thinking about it makes me cry.
I really need to get out of this house and go to Australia next year, despite my parents' worries. I personally can't take this life here, living at home doing nothing , being under-motivated and less active. It's screwing me up. Mum's probably right, I need to get out into the World, no matter how harsh it is.
I really like these activities:
- Performing (Singing, Dancing, Martial Arts...etc..)
- Reading and Writing
- Sports (Swimming, Martial Arts, Scuba Diving, Badminton...etc..)
- Art (Drawing, Painting, Making fan AMVs (animated music videos))
But at the end of the day, I need to choose one, and the most versatile one as from experience, I'm not the type to just sit around at a desk doing work. It makes me sleepy. True though that performing and sports require a lot of physical work and is more tiring and more challenging, but I'd rather do that than be stuck in a desk.
I really want to perform as a performer, and it is also true that it's not gonna earn me much money. But it's my passion. Though I have to say, I am willing to take up 'Writing' as a job as I do like to write and take up Martial Arts and Scuba Dive courses to make ends meet. I'm willing to do anything to gain income, just not an office or sales job.
Though I've never told my parents sincerely, I really really really want to go abroad, but because of pressure, my mouth goes numb and end up not saying anything. If I ever do say anything, I get screamed at. I want to earn my own money, but it has to be of my choosing, regardless of everyone else's opinions.
Also, I can take care of myself, regardless on what my parents see in my room and how I act around the house. It's hard to show it to them, when you're being pressured every single day and when you're living under their roof. Their standards are too high for me to meet. But though I never show it, I know how to clean a place. Again the motivation and the determination has been suppressed. To gain it again may take months. That's how I work, regardless with all the lectures of 'YOU HAVE TO CHANGE AND GROW UP!!!!'.
I suppose I should start talking to Regina, Sook Yin, Sussanna, Mrs.Lourdes and probably Kian and Zie Aun more. I can't do this alone, I don't want to get scolded or screamed at by my parents.
Till then,
I have to work hard like Jeff Rizal(despite the fact my parents said the same thing) said, get fit, slim down, toughen up, get back into Martial Arts, practice and go for more Auditions, don't be picky and be professional. I also have advice from my cousins, Johan, Johanna and Illani on how to get fit. It will take a while but it's a must if I really want to got to Australia next year.
That's all for now and will post some pics up soon.
My Birthday pics taken by Dad (14th December 2010) with my cousins (Jasmine and Adriz), nephew (Danial) , nieces(Hanna, Suraya and Shakira), my sister (Lara) and her friend (Rachel) :
Thanks for dropping by :)
Merry Christmas to all and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Sea Enigma
I like so many things and because of the indecisiveness and lack of planning (which I normally never do) my Dad thinks it's better that I stay in Malaysia another year. But thinking about it now, if I wait another year, I'll get even lazier and less motivated. I don't want that to happen. Just thinking about it makes me cry.
I really need to get out of this house and go to Australia next year, despite my parents' worries. I personally can't take this life here, living at home doing nothing , being under-motivated and less active. It's screwing me up. Mum's probably right, I need to get out into the World, no matter how harsh it is.
I really like these activities:
- Performing (Singing, Dancing, Martial Arts...etc..)
- Reading and Writing
- Sports (Swimming, Martial Arts, Scuba Diving, Badminton...etc..)
- Art (Drawing, Painting, Making fan AMVs (animated music videos))
But at the end of the day, I need to choose one, and the most versatile one as from experience, I'm not the type to just sit around at a desk doing work. It makes me sleepy. True though that performing and sports require a lot of physical work and is more tiring and more challenging, but I'd rather do that than be stuck in a desk.
I really want to perform as a performer, and it is also true that it's not gonna earn me much money. But it's my passion. Though I have to say, I am willing to take up 'Writing' as a job as I do like to write and take up Martial Arts and Scuba Dive courses to make ends meet. I'm willing to do anything to gain income, just not an office or sales job.
Though I've never told my parents sincerely, I really really really want to go abroad, but because of pressure, my mouth goes numb and end up not saying anything. If I ever do say anything, I get screamed at. I want to earn my own money, but it has to be of my choosing, regardless of everyone else's opinions.
Also, I can take care of myself, regardless on what my parents see in my room and how I act around the house. It's hard to show it to them, when you're being pressured every single day and when you're living under their roof. Their standards are too high for me to meet. But though I never show it, I know how to clean a place. Again the motivation and the determination has been suppressed. To gain it again may take months. That's how I work, regardless with all the lectures of 'YOU HAVE TO CHANGE AND GROW UP!!!!'.
I suppose I should start talking to Regina, Sook Yin, Sussanna, Mrs.Lourdes and probably Kian and Zie Aun more. I can't do this alone, I don't want to get scolded or screamed at by my parents.
Till then,
I have to work hard like Jeff Rizal(despite the fact my parents said the same thing) said, get fit, slim down, toughen up, get back into Martial Arts, practice and go for more Auditions, don't be picky and be professional. I also have advice from my cousins, Johan, Johanna and Illani on how to get fit. It will take a while but it's a must if I really want to got to Australia next year.
That's all for now and will post some pics up soon.
My Birthday pics taken by Dad (14th December 2010) with my cousins (Jasmine and Adriz), nephew (Danial) , nieces(Hanna, Suraya and Shakira), my sister (Lara) and her friend (Rachel) :
Thanks for dropping by :)
Merry Christmas to all and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Sea Enigma
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